*
Subject: emcees i ruin'...
Posted By: rappin' slarti...
emcees i ruin' cuz i know what i'm doin'
i treat 'em like double-mint gum and start chewin'
i spit 'em out when the flavor's gone
and i repeat the chewin' process 'til the break of dawn
cuz i'm tough like a bone, sly like stallone
rockin' and clockin' on the microphone
smooth like a mirror and hard to strike terror
rhymes like runs and hits with no errors
cold like a blizzard on the mic i am the wizard
with the funky fresh rhymes comin' outta my gizzard
never sneezin', never coughin', i rock the mic often
hard as a rock and no sign i'll soften
makin' sure i get respect and that my rhymes connect
they start to build like a building from an architect
movin' all around above and under the ground
you see my face, and then you hear my sound
comin' atcha, with the mic in hand
i'm gonna take command just the way i planned
cuz i'm a one man band and you are my fans don't you understand?
i'm like superman yeah, the man of steel,
don't you know the deal you better be for real,
i got sex appeal this is what i feel,
and this here's my vow and now you know the brotha with know how
am i rappin' to myself here, or what?
Subject: SLARTI!!
Posted By: DJ Master Moose
I sensed a challenge (okay, so it was spelt out for me) so i just had to say this!!!!!
*beat box* A rip rap a rippity rap
A rip rip rap, and a rippity rap!
The slarti man thinks he can step on my rhymes
he may try all he wants im gonna win every times
My rap is so smooth like a peanut butter sammy
i rap from seattle all the way to miami
he couldnt touch this with a ten foot pole,
gonna rock the house, the cars and your mink stoll
cause my rhymes are so slick like your good old fshioned slicker,
wait, i bet there even slicker than a pair of knickers!
slarti man you betta work on your rhymin style
im gonna take you down with my possie dog pile!
you can do it at a trut, you can do it at a gallup,
wait i stole that rhyme so never mind just a foul up!
you can call me a hoser, you can call me a poser,
bottom line is im better than a 4 slotted toaster!
My homies in the hood all give me props,
cause im the rapping master moose with a mean beat box!
*puh puh puh* *wicky wicky wicky SCRATCH*
so ill close this rap out, cause i need not say more,
im the rapping master moose who can rock the floor
*puh puh puh* IM OUT!!!!!!!!!
Subject: some of the busiest rhymes ever made by man are goin' into this mouth written by this hand
Posted By: rappin' slarti and DJ magic nick
nick scratchin' on the wheels of steel: *wick wicky wick shuwy shuwy shuwy* slarti on the beat box: *pu-ts-ts pu-ts-ts pu-ts-ts pu-pfbf PSH*
you're a moose on the loose and you better mind your manners
you'll get a goose in the caboose that'll make you lose her antlers
cuz i'm rough like sandpaper, hard like algebra
you should be glad that i was nice and i allowed ya
ta step on stage, to kick your rhymes off
i tried to be nice but you mistook that for softness
my rhymes are written, fresh and never bitten
i'm standin', you're sitting, you hear me and then you're quittin'
you're outta the game, nobody knows your name
and your claim to fame is that you show no shame
hypothetical political lyrical miracle whip
just like butter, my rhymes are legit
cuz i'm rough like hunter, clever like macgyver
i rock the mic all 24/7, don't spit saliva
and i'm too hot to handle, hotter than a candle
sloppy like oscar but neat like tony randall
my rap is inconceivable, it's unbelievable
to me it's easy, but to you it's unachievable
i'm known to the corners of the earth as no imposter
cuz i kick my dope rhymes down to perth and up to gloucester
you think you rock the forum but you never have a quorum
the people never listen, cuz all you do is bore 'em
peace in the middle east! i'm audi.
Subject: *ahem*
Posted By: Bullwinkle
Okay this is with a new style im comin back in i thought it futile to show you how its done, cuase you think your all that well mister man, im the moose thats PHAT!
not fat as in fat, large huge or obesest
but phat as in cool, jiving, bad and the keenest
MC Hammer cant touch this he knows, thats the trufe
I can rhyme it so good, yours is just a bad spoof
i belong to rap just like white on rice
you belong to rap like tattoo on miami vice
if I were to rap like oreos were to milk
you'd be to rap like leather to cheap silk
sure it may sound to you like an SAT test
but my rhymes are always jammin, and im the supreme best!
If my raps were like coffee, id be a vanilla latte tanka
you would be a microwaved cup of last weeks sanka
always rocking never stopping till the sweet beats drop
jammin slamming rammin rhymes to make the peeps mmmmmmmmmm stop!
you and your cat betta step aside
cuase im the master rappa with a mean electric slide
you would just be sittin there doin the monkey
while I dance around your rap and make it funky!
*puh puh puh puh puh puh and a huh huh huh wicky wicky scratch and a bumpipty bump*
so im sittin at home wit nuttin to do,
nuttin to do but spit in my shoe
thats the first rap i made when i was a kid
showin i was destined for this rappin gig
once again i rocked it with a mean beat rap
headed out now to spare you the slap
of my lyrcial rhymes that showed you the stuff
that DJ Master moose is rippity rappin tough!
THIS ONE GOES OUT TO ALL MY HOMIES IN THE HOOD WORD!
Subject: rhymin' battle royale with cheese
Posted By: rappin' slarti and DJ magic nick
y'all wanna hear nick drop the funky beats right? yeah, buddy! everybody put your hands in the air and make some noise for the rippenest rappenest cat in north america!
*bone-rattling bass drum beats blasts from everywhere and yet nowhere, seemingly coming from the depths of the earth itself*
now, there's a moose out there who thinks she can kick the crazy rhymes likes she's really from the street. well, she ain't from the street, and it's time she learned a lesson or two from the masters. kick it, dj nick. *enter funky bass-line*
i hear my homies yellin' "yo" and the girlies yellin' "slarti"
cuz the party people know that we came to rock the party
yes, we're jacks of all trades, masters of three:
rockin' the tables, rockin' the mics, and rockin' the young la-dies
my alter ego commits crimes. me? i throw dope rhymes
like sanivac and simple green, i remove grime
and i'm startin' with you, just like the gunk on my shoe
that i scrape off on the curb when i step in dog doo
the people went to bed because your rhymes are full of lead
you bored the forum dead because you're crazy in the head
you think your rhymes are dope, but MY rhymes are doper
i'm just like jack ritter doggin' you as mr. roper
you and your sista sound fly, for a couple of girls (ignoring the fact that you're just a moose and squirrel), but you bit off more than you could chew, with me and dj nick he's gonna show you how to do it with a *wicky wicky wick* fight-- *wicky* fight-- *wicky wick* for your right-- *shuwy shuwy shuwy* to paaaaaarty! *shuwy wicky wick shuwy* meow meow *shuwy shuwy* meow *shwicky wick* *shuwy shuwy shwicky shwick*
yeah, people go crazy when nicky kicks the juice
cuz he's like robocat and you're a regular moose
yeah, he's cold like ice, and hot like fire
he's givin' you a shock like a plug and a wire
nick's a master on the mic but he prefers the turntables
never stoppin' droppin' beats, clear like digital cable
he kicks the funky fresh bass that makes the people yell "ho-o!"
you play your wiggedy wack beats on your brother's casio-o
and yet you think that it's your destiny to get the best of me
but i suggest ya be quiet, girl, don't even try it from the east or west of me
you know it's no hocus pocus, i'll just get you into focus
and swarm all over you just like a horde of locusts
and the next time we meet, you better wash your stinky feet
cuz they put me off my dinner even though it's time to eat
yeeeeeeeeee-ah, booooo-ieeeeeeeee. bellee dat! we out.
Subject: OH YEAH Slartis Agent?
Posted By: Bullwinkles agent
on behalf of the moose I'd like to say thank you
see even me, her agent can rhyme a time or two
now you know it aint over yet, this is true
but the mommy moose must break now to feed her crew!
: )
(this is too much fun!!!)
Subject: Re: rhymin' battle royale with cheese
Posted By: Rappin and Rollin' Deep Rocky and Dopest Def D-Real
(Rappin' and Rollin' Deep Rocky)
Gettin' with the zero's
we rappin in da duo
Flippin' it sweet
'Cause you all just beat
(Dopest Def D-Real)
I'm slummin wit the jello
you just a weakly fellow
Pickin' on all the honies
It's a wonder anyone gives you money
(RRDR)
Hey booouy! don't even think 'bout doggin' that
it rhymes in the end
Ma man stepped to defend
His girl's right to rrrrrrrrrrrrap!
(DDDR)
Slarti, Flappin' Slarti
what kinda name is dat?
I throw down the dope party
(RRDR soprano 'Go D-real, you jammin', it's yo birthday!')
You kickin' it wit a cat.
(RRDR)
I'm like Dr Suess raised krazy in da hood
You like Silly Frilly Willy Milli Vanilli
who's own mommas never understood
That the deal wif rrrrrap is you got-to know
How to smoove yo' rap wit da metaphors
like Pledge on ma wood floors
(DDRD)
As for da fly Moose
She's done cooked yo' goose
And da squirrel,
thaz ma girl
She unmasked your goofiness for all the worl'
(RRDR)
You like da 4th Stooge whassisname
Like generic mac and cheese it ain't da same
Sure you save a dollar
But who hears da hollar?
(RRDR Soprano)
Say 'Rocky!'
(DDDR)
GO ROCKY!
(RRDR Soprano)
Say 'Fly!'
(DDDR)
Girl, you FLY!,p>
(RRDR giggling in the dopest freshest way)
**Dedicated to our lost homies in da 'burbs.
(Don't worry, they'll find their keyless entry thingies soon and be home in time to whip up a souffle in no time flat!)
Subject: Re: rhymin' battle royale with cheese
Posted By: MC slarti and DJ magic nick
*a slow drum beat shakes the floor* *smoke rolls across the stage* *MC slarti emerges from the fog* *slarti's thick gold rope chain sends light beams piercing through the haze* *DJ magic nick points a paw towards the sky as the beat tempo increases* *nick's huge gold ID tag is gleaming in the spotlight* *slarti points to a squirrel and an oak tree in the crowd* *"eye of the tiger" and the flash gordon theme start playing over the top of each other, deftly intertwined by nick's nimble paws*
this is how we do it... this was between me an' the moose,
but now ya gotta make it pers'nal you tied up your own noose,
and now you're gonna see my ars'nal i'll roll my Nikes on your spine
and leave an imprint of a swooshie lyrical clip goes in my nine,
the lyrical cap goes in your tushie i hear you talkin' smack,
dissin' me and my dj cat
we'll round up the tom cat posse and we'll make you take it back
you think he's just a kitty who can sing a little ditty
but he took some tips from cujo and he'll mess you up real pretty
now the winkle of the bull can rip it up and hold her own
you must not respect her if you can't leave us alone
you gonna take dat, moose? are you gonna let it stand?
your sista thinks you can't compete, she's gotta hold your hand
and her hubby's wick wick wack but he thinks that he's got game
he tries to mix it up, but it all just sounds the same
i'll give them some fly metaphors and killer similes
but it's a waste like reading shakespeare to the monkeys in the trees
so rolly polly dull-o rocky, and dumbest dip d-fake
you couldn't rock the house during a 7.2 quake
your tongues are slow and sticky like molasses in your mouth
your rhymes are for the birds and they've flown permanently south
now your duo, that's real clever, and you do make quite a pair
i thought no one could ever gag me worse than sonny and cher
but now you've proven me wrong, and i'm sure you will again
when i think i've seen your worst and then you do it worse times ten
you're locked up in the freezer with the leftover salami
and your beats are counterfeit, so you best go call your mommies
shut your lip, step off my tip, let the moose return the favor
to settle the score forever more: who's got the freshest flavor?
*slarti strikes a run dmc pose as nick raises the roof*
Subject: Slarti! Show's over, mon!
Posted By: Rappin' and Rollin' Deep Rocky
You and da Moose can kick the rhymes ain't never gonna keep us down
We on the move and in the groove bouncin' it downtown
Mixin' it up, creatin' havoc! We spazmatically eratically ecstatic
When we rock the house, raise the roof da SST boyz and girlz knows da trufe
We all that, a bag of chips and double stuffed o-reos
We're fresh like churned buttah, and you (dramatic stop)...you Grandma's o-leo.
(tenor sax belts the funk line as out of the shadows 120 dancers emerge punchin' a li'l retro Running Man jig wearing those discreet 'RRDR/DDRD KICK IT ONE MORE TIME!' tube tops of course)
You got no game get no play, yo' cat don't purr fo' you no mo'
'Cause he's on our stage bein' diggity dage callin' me Momma saying *I'm* the cat's puh-jamas
(blinding laser light show with a dope mix of We Will We Will Rock You and Kung Fu Fighting)
Now get to steppin' we done racked 'em up, Got 21, Uno
The game is over blazed yo' cover, it's time for you to go
(Reggae guyz smoovin' their dreads swimmin' in the funk)
*Hey Mistah Slartimon, partytime is over
Rap Royale's won and it's time you go home.
ROOOOOOOcky!
ROOOOOoooooyaale...Rap Royale's won and it's time you go hoooooooooooome*
Word to our homies in the 'burbs!
(flashin' crazy hand code signal to our boyz and girlz on forum hoping not to sprain a finger this time)
Subject: kickin' it law school vis a vis "rocky"
Posted By: slarti's legal representative
to: Rappin' and Rollin' Deep Rocky from: Slarticorp Enterprises, Legal Department Please be heretoforthwithpostpartum notified that legal action is pending persuant to your unauthorized use of the reserved, trademarked, copyrighted, canonized, and "that's my name, don't wear it out"-ified term "slartimon," documented in the thread linked below. This term was communicated by the first party (everybody say "ho-o") to your party (everybody say "ho ho") in encrypted jive protocol under a Non-Dissing Agreement, witnessed and notarized by three blind mice and yo momma. Continued blatant usage of this restricted term for your party's personal fun and profit will result in the engagement of the full legal resources available to Slarticorp Enterprises, including the deployment of various and sundry Not Very Nice Things, which your party will find to be not very nice indeed. This situation can be remedied by a formal and public apology from your party to the first party, or failing that, by your party buying the first party a beer.
Regards, Funkmaster E-Legal Chief Counsel Slarticorp Enterprises
Subject: Re: kickin' it law school vis a vis
Posted By: Rappin' and Rollin' Deep Rocky's Dream Team of Lawyers, Attorneys, Paralegals and Coffee Fetchers
To: Slarticorp Enterprises, Legal Department From: Rappin' and Rollin' Deep Rocky's Dream Team of Lawyers, Attorneys, Paralegals and Coffee Fetchers I, Rappin' and Rollin' Deep Rocky, do officially and hereby notify you of my semi-apology. Said partial apologetical statement allows you the mostly full rights and some responsibilities therein associated with this document of extreme legalistic nature. (i.e. 50% entitled to bragging rights of claimed word) The viable offer of a mere half-entitlement from the party of the first part to the party of the second part is due to the begrudgingly acknowledged Originator of word "slartimon" having the inability, ineptability, drawing-a-blank-ability to use it properly as stated in the first party's confession to the second party obtained via alternative information and communication source - henceforth future named "third party" - dated Oct 15 @ 2:00 PM.
Quote available upon request, please remit $19.95 to: Rappin and Rollin Deep Rocky's Roadhouse Warehouse P.O. Box 12345 Rockyville, USA I had a right, no, an *obligation* to ensure the word in question was not only used properly but to the utmost accuracy one could endeavor.
In addition to this Offical Sorta Kinda Acknowledgement Apologyish Document in reference to the outside origin of word, "slartimon", albeit inadequately utilized by said Originator, I shall forthwithhence not only buy one beer, but as a show of respect and just for the heck of it,two.