16-11-2004 - Tuesday

Dear Diary

Some people start blogs and spill out their innermost thoughts into cyberspace. I don't think that I could do that - I would not be able to be honest and truthful if I thought that the whole world could read about my stupid thoughts and even stupider actions.

I'd better introduce myself to you, dear diary, so that we understand one another. I know all about you since I am your creator but so far you know nothing about me.

I'm 23 years old, female, unmarried and moderately good looking in a mousy kind of way. I work in the local library; I'm not a librarian but maybe one day .... ! The trouble is that librarians have such a boring image. I'd like to think that I am exciting and that I lead an exciting life. My life is very mundane, though. I live in a house which I share with two other guys - well, one of the guys is actually a girl, Mandy; the guy is Peter. Mandy is at university doing a degree in history. Goodness knows what she thinks that she is going to do when she finishes her course - teach ???? But her parents are rich so maybe it doesn't matter what she does. Peter is something in IT which I don't understand and don't want to understand.

Mandy hs just finished her second-year exams and thinks that life is a beach - she is getting browner by the day and Peter works funny hours and is getting pale and pimply; I don't think that computers are good for him - he doesn't look well.

17-11-2004 - Wednesday

Mandy came home this evening and said that she met this fabulous guy down at the beach and she is going out night-clubbing with him in an hour or so. That girl really worries me. I mean, she meets some guy at the beach; she says that his name is Julian and what sort of man has a name like that anyway. So OK - never seen him before, doesn't know his other name and as far as she knows the only thing he owns is a pair of very small bathers, a beach towel and a surf board. I guess that some of his assets are there for all to see but has he got a car? Will she be left holding the bill and the baby?

Anyway, she is hogging the bathroom dolling herself up for him while I am sitting here with my legs crossed. And I had a horrible day stacking books, sorting books, checking books out and checking books in. And then the computers went down!! Where is Peter when he is needed?

Peter worries me! I don't think that he is eating properly - he looks awful. I guess that I need to corner him and have a chat; me the mother hen! Why can't I meet a fabulous guy - all I ever see are mothers with screaming kids and old wrinklies.

I think that I'm having a bad hair day! Maybe I had better wait a while before I have my chat with Peter or I will end up crying on his shoulder which is NOT the general idea.

18-11-2004 - Thursday

Mandy didn't come home at all last night so she must have either had a good time or she has been captured like Hannibal Lecter or whoever it was who did nasty things to girls. I hope that she is OK, though. Imagine having to get up from a strange bed and put on the same clothes you dressed in to go raving - and go to work in them! Of course, Mandy doesn't have to go to work today; she is on holidays at the moment so I guess that she will turn up sometime today. Maybe she will have found out what Julian's other name is by now.

I dealt with my bad hair day by filling up the bath and lying in it for a couple of hours reading a book and eating chocolates. I'll deal with the results of the chocolate binge when things look rosier. In the meantime I still have to see what I can do to sort out Peter. Maybe he is on drugs or something. Maybe I need more chocolate to deal with his problem. LOL - I can't talk about substance abuse !! Chocolate, the feel-good drug for females.

19-11-2004 - Friday

Mandy rushed in at about 6 o'clock yesterday evening, had a quick shower and a change of clothes and rushed out again. I don't know what she did all day ... she didn't take her bathers with her when she went out to dinner with Julian so she can't have spent it at the beach. Hmmmm !

Not just a bad hair day - I'm having a bad hair week. Mrs Harmon, my boss, has been in a bad mood for days, the computers have been up and down all day and the weather has turned cold so that I could not get outside to eat my lunch. Well, I guess that I could have, but I'd have had my fingers and toes frozen off in the wind. At least it is Friday and maybe next week will be better.

Peter arrived home late and slunk into his room to commune with his computer; you'd think that he had enough of them during the day without spending the evening staring at a small screen. I offered him half of my dinner but he said that he wasn't hungry and that he had grabbed a hamburger on the way home from work. I can't see how I am going to engineer a cozy chat with him if he spends all his home time shut in his room. Maybe an opportunity will appear over the weekend - otherwise I will have to batter down his bedroom door. At least the chances are good that Mandy will be out of the house.

20-11-2004 - Saturday

OK - so I am sneaky. I took a cup of coffee into Peter while he was still asleep in bed. Since he is a gentleman and modest as well, and as he sleeps in the buff, there was no escape for him. He cowered under the bedclothes and told me to get lost. I sat on the end of the bed and handed him his coffee.

"Peter," I said, "What's up? You seem to have something on your mind. Is it your love life or is it your work?"

"Get lost," he mumbled again, "My affairs are none of your business."

"But they are." I said and played my ace card. "I am the leaseholder on this house and if you get sick or lose your job I will be left holding the baby."

Suddenly he rolled over, buried his face in the pillow and started to cry. Oh dear!!!!!! What had I done now? Sighing, I got up and left the room. things were getting a bit out of hand.

Either his work or his lovelife is obviously playing havoc with his psyche and I've probably made things a whole lot worse. I'd like to be able to talk things over with Mandy but of course she still hasn't come home..

21-11-2004 - Sunday

Mandy arrived home this evening and she is not a very happy traveller ! Julian was, apparently, only here for the week and now he has gone back to wherever he really lives and works. He gave Mandy his mobile number but she tried it and it doesn't work and now she is wondering if she even knows his real name because she is beginning to think that he was just there for the sun and sex. *sigh*

Anyway, she is in floods of tears in her room and Peter is sulking in his room so I am in charge of the remote control for a change. This whole scenario is starting to sound a bit like Neighbours - not that I'd ever admit to watching a trashy soap like Neighbours.

So what of me ! I do have a man in my life; he is away at the moment and I don't see all that much of him when he is back here in Perth and I miss him a lot. But he is messing up my life - hardly ever here and his involvement in my life is stopping me from moving on and maybe finding someone who doesn't travel for half the year. His name is Robert and I love him to bits but I don't think that he is good for me. LOL - it gets more like a soap opera by the minute.

I'd better go and make some chicken soup !!!.

22-11-2004 - Monday

The pall still hangs over the Cantwrite-et-al household. Peter went reluctantly to work dragging his feet and looking sick, Mandy stayed in her room bawling her eyes out and I went to work.

At the library there was the usual heap of books pushed through the slot in the door by people who can't wait until we open to check in their used books. Monday morning is always spent sorting stacking and shelving. Not very exciting stuff. Maybe I should think about doing a course at university and finding myself a more exciting job. I used to think that to work among books was the ultimate in hedonism but it isn't.

When I got home Peter was shut in his room and Mandy was still bawling her eyes out. I bearded Peter in his lair and asked him to see if he could do something about Mandy while I cooked dinner for all of us and he started to cry again !! Isn't life fun!

Maybe I should shut myself in my room and cry as well: It seems to be the latest trend in this place..

23-11-2004 - Tuesday

Peter did try to get through to Mandy but she just kept on telling him to go away; so he came into the kitchen while I was cooking and told me very solomnly that he was in love with Mandy and had been for some time. He said that he wasn't sure if she loved him or not. How is that for optimism - the girl has just spent a week in some other man's bed and he thinks that perhaps she could possibly be in love with him.

Peter is also having some problems at work. He didn't elaborate on what the problems are and I didn't ask - I didn't actually want to know. He apologised for "blubbing". Now there is a word I haven't come across since I stopped reading Boys Own Annual when I was about ten years old. He managed to bring it out without even blushing; that's sang froid for you !!!!!

Predictably, Mandy didn't appear so Peter and I finished the steak and mushrooms between us and managed to put away a bottle of red wine. I'll probably have a hangover tomorrow but I can sort and stack as well with a headache as without one.

Robert will be back next week; maybe I should ask him to marry me and take me away from all this!!.

27-11-2004 - Saturday

My turn to cook again. I decided to make a stew which would look after itself and leave me free to do my own thing for the rest of the day. So I was perched on the kitchen stool peeling potatoes when Peter came in and started to make himself a cup of coffee.

"Would you like one?" he asked.

"Yes please." I replied.

He made the coffee and sat down. "Can I talk to you?" he said.

"Sure." I said and busied myself with the potatoes so that he didn't have to look me in the eye.

"It is about Mandy. I told you that I thought that I was in love with her; I thought that she was in love with me as well. In fact, we were lovers."

I nearly dropped the potato peeler. How come they had managed to carry on that sort of affair under my very nose without me noticing anything. I guess that with me having a regular job and Peter working shifts and Mandy with lectures at odd times it wasn't so hard after all.

"But now," Peter continued, "What with this thing with Julian I don't know where I am with her and she refuses to talk to me at all. In fact she shuts herself in her room and I haven't actually seen her for days.

"She is obviously unhappy about what happened last week but she won't let me help her. Can you do something?" Peter looked at me pleadingly.

I sighed! Why me?.

28-11-2004 - Sunday

Just in case you think that I'm the only sane person in this soapie setup I have a confession to make. Robert has what the lonely hearts sections of the newspapers call "ties". He has no intention of ever leaving his wife and I know that I am an idiot to feel the way I do about him. I don't even know that I am the only "other woman" in his life; I see little enough of him that he could have a dozen other women on the side. Luckily he has no children and I understand that there never will be but i don't feel good about it.

I need to meet somebody who makes me feel the way that he does but who is available. Here I am at the ripe old age of 23 and stuck on a man who will never allow me to be anything but peripheral to his real life and who, because of the way I feel about him, stops me from looking for somebody else.

He is coming back from his latest trip at the end of the week and I should make a firm stand and refuse to see him - but I know that all he has to do is call and I'll come running.>p> Damn! Damn! Damn!

... and I think that I can sort out Mandy's and Peter's problems!

29-11-2004 - Monday

Uh-oh!!!!!

You read about these things in the paper but you never dream that they will ever happen to you.

At first light - at about 5.00am there was this tremendous banging and thumping on the door. I was just calling the police when I realised that it WAS the police battering down the door. They broke into the house and herded us all into the sitting room with a very large man keeping us under guard. I asked if they had a search warrant (I read too many books) and they did so there was not much we could do except sit and listen to them tearing the place apart.

Eventually they bundled up Peter's computer and all his CDs and loaded them into their van. Then they grabbed Peter and took him away to "help them with their enquiries". The only reason I am still able to do this blog is because, being the trusting soul that I am, nothing on this computer is password protected and they were able to access all my files. Peter, being an IT sort of person has everything in secret folders in case we read his stuff when he is out.

Mandy distinguished herself by making a dash for the bathroom and throwing up. Scared, guilty or maybe she actually has some sort of tender feelings for Peter after all.

30-11-2004 - Tuesday

I didn't go to work yesterday. Mrs Harmon had to tow that barge and lift that bale herself to sort out the usual Monday morning disorder. I phoned in and told her that the police had wrecked the place and that I would have to take time off to get things straightened out again.

And, boy!!! Did they ever leave a mess. Their mothers should have been ashamed of them but I suspect that it is all a part of the intimidation process. Not that we needed much intimidating. Peter went quietly and Mandy was sick. I just sat there wondering how I was going to tell the agent that we needed a new front door.

Peter is home again and very chastened - not that he wasn't pretty depressed before. When I asked him what it was all about he just said "I told you that there was some trouble at work." He is sans computer now and spent the evening glaring at the TV.

Anyway, I got the place straightened out and the agent sent someone to replace the door, amid much mumbling about who was going to pay for it and who was untimately to blame - that means me because I sublet to Peter.

Back to work today with everyone agog to hear about our dawn raid.

1-12-2004 - Wednesday

Peter arrived back early from work and in a cheerful frame of mind. It appears that the homes of most of his colleagues were also raided and all the computers from his work have been taken by the police. A disaster for the company but gave Peter a very short working day. He may have to look for a new job but with this cloud hanging over the whole scene that is going to be difficult. The 'perp' needs to be found fast.

I had a horrible sinking feeling that he had been caught up in the paedophilia epidemic which has been occupying our newspapers for the last few weeks but apparently it is not that. *phew* I wouldn't like to think that I'd given houseroom to a paedophile.

He said that some sort of hacking fraud had been going on at work but that nobody knows who is doing the hacking which is why they hit everyone at once. Before it happened Peter had said that there was trouble at work; I think that he knows more than he is prepared to admit which is a worry. I hope that he is not going to get into any more trouble and if it is not him doing the hacking then he needs to tell the cops what he knows.