I wrote this as an exercise When I attended a Creative Writing Course. We were asked to produce 500 words about something triggered by one of a number of nonsense sentences which we were given. The sentence which triggered these thoughts was "I wait for her who restores my fingertips." I don't know where this piece came from - certainly not out of my own experience.

I lie in the dark - waiting.
Tomorrow is my wedding day.
‘........to have and to hold; from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part........’
‘I do’ oh, yes, I do. Forever.

I lie in the dark - whispering.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you with my heart, my soul and with my life.’

I lie in the dark - wondering.
Is there new life within me? Has our love been consummated by creation?
The doctor - ‘I have good news for you. You are nine weeks pregnant. Come and see me again in four weeks.’

I lie in the dark - weeping.
So much pain. So much blood.
‘I am afraid you have lost your baby.’
‘You are young and strong. there is plenty of time.’
My baby has been washed away by its mother’s blood. My blood.
Plenty of time.

I lie in the dark - wishing.
I am forty years old. ‘Life begins at forty.’ they all tell me.
Not for me. It is too late.

I lie in the dark - waiting.
He is late again. three times in the last two weeks. Is that his key in the door?
‘I am sorry, my darling. The meeting went on and on. No, don’t bother. We had food sent in. Go back to bed before you get cold. I won’t be long.’

I lie in the dark - waking.
Will sleep never come?
‘Doctor, please can I have something to help me to sleep?’
‘Not sleeping? Better give you a general check-up. Heart; fine. Lungs; good. Never smoked? Bowels? Appetite? Not so good, you say. Get out into the fresh air. Take up a hobby. Here is your prescription. Never take more than two and do not drink alcohol with them. Come and see me again if there is no improvement.’

I lie in the dark - waiting.
His key in the door.
‘Darling, there is something I have to tell you. There is this girl at work. We have been seeing each other. We want to get married. She is pregnant. She is having a baby. She is having my baby.’

I lie in the dark - wretched.
We have seen the lawyers. I have signed the papers.
‘Are there any dependent children of this marriage?’
No children.
‘.........till death us do part.’

I lie in the dark - warm and wet.
Will 47 pills be enough? I swallowed them down with a big glass of whisky. I used the razor first. I did not want my hand to shake. I only cut my left wrist: I am right handed. I cut it right up the radial artery. I did it the right way. Again there was pain and blood . Soon there will be no pain.

I lie back in the warm bath. It is too late.....Too late..................Too late.

At last I can sleep.