A fictional private eye
Habitually drank slugs of rye.
He claimed that the drink
Made it easy to think,
But my memory fails as to why.
Date unknown - my first!
When Sherlock had nothing to do
He always felt bored, and quite blue
So he played violin
And injected cocaine,
Which gave Dr Watson the clue.
James Bond drank vodka martinis,
And had numerous girls in bikinis,
But in his spare time
He would go and fight crime;
So his mind wouldn't dwell on zucchinis.
A Limerick is usually rude;
Sometimes it is even quite crude;
But now I propose
That somebody compose
A haiku that's funny and lewd.
There once was a man called Darth Vader
Who ever wore only one wader.
He said "It's to keep
Hold of three-legged sheep.
I've found that its best when I've.......!"
4th March 2003
World War III is just hours away;
George's troops will attack any day.
While the UN debates
The protagonists' fates
Iraq will be bombed, come what may!
15th March 2003
The monster which lives in Lock Ness
Is a sufferer from bad RLS;
The waves it's created
By Beaufort are rated
As category thirteen, no less.
9th April 2004
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A forum as empty as this
Is a different species of bliss;
I can say, at my ease,
Whatever I please !
And there's no-one to boo or to hiss.
6th October 2002
Oh the lobsters all nibble a toe;
As they work their way up they keep low;
When they get to his knees
They retreat to their quays
For they know just how far they should go.
1st February 2003
That wondercat, minnie la rose
Is richer than you might suppose;
Pink diamonds she'll keep
In her tail pockets deep,
Safely hidden where nobody knows.
That magical middle-night hour
Is saying it's time for my shower;
Then my nightdress I'll don
Thus my bed to climb on
And count sheep as o'er fences they soar.
Salmon, trout and all colourful fish
Can be cooked in a nice tasty dish;
But a small herring red
Will have you misled,
Which is just what us captains all wish.
4th March 2003
To my sleep clinic bravely I went
On my cause of insomnia intent;
But much to my ire
I was wrapped up in wire
Where, awake, I was left to lament.
11th August 2003
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