24 August 2003
So you've heard of Tropical Barbie, Hawaiian Barbie, Fashion Barbie, Horseriding Barbie et al? Forgive me if I don't have the list quite right... I'm not exactly a Barbie doll afficionado!
Well now there's a new one... Mud Pack Barbie! You can marvel as Skipper applies a thick coating of mud to Barbie to make her beautiful! Cast my niece Kira as Skipper and you're not far from the mark.
For those of you who haven't heard, last Sunday was my Dad's sixtieth birthday. This event saw a huge influx of Morgans to the small Wheatbelt town of Beverley or more specifically, to my Dad's farm at Mt Kokeby about ten kilometres south of town.
Kira turns seventeen this week. Passing the driving age barrier, I've been patiently giving her lessons like a good uncle, although not as many as she would have liked.
So dad got hold of a beaten up old Nissan Pulsar for her. The Pulsar, while not exactly roadworthy, only cost him fifty bucks, and was intended to give her some wheels to hoon around the farm in and practice her clutch action.
To quote Biff from the Back to the Future series, "Manure!"
While not inhibiting clutch action in any way, the pungent aroma of a backseat full of manure can be decidedly offputting. So, being the nice guy that I am, I gave Kira my keys and offered her my car to hoon around the farm in. With all the water around, it seemed sensible that she have all four wheels spinning below her, rather than just the Pulsar's conventional two.
It's timely to take a couple of steps back here.
Some time after I acquired my current wheels, "The Barbie Car" tag was applied by Kurt, Andrew and Helen's young son. Kurt is also the author of such utterances as "It's a boy!", but more on that some other time!
At the time, I was most indignant at Barbie's christening, but in the years since as I've joked about it with friends, my affection for the nametag that has grown.
I said a few lines back that four wheels spinning seemed like a good idea? I didn't mean it quite as literally as ended up happening though. Well done Kira! Ah, well... much fun was had by all and a good old play in the mud!
While we watched from the house, a rescue party was dispatched after Kira's brother Justin came back to the house for help. He revealed her anxiety at my potential reaction to her stranding of my beast.
So in the style of a truly evil uncle, I practised and practised, keeping my voice as low and small as possible as I uttered the words, "What did you do to my car????" In the end, my delivery wasn't bad, though I did start to smile at the end before finally bursting out into fits of laughter!
As for the mud pack, Barbie's never looked so much like a four wheel drive!