ME!

Why the heck would anyone want to know anything about me?? - I'm not that interesting really so you probably want to hit your back button right now to avoid being bored to tears.

Anita!
Anita, my best friend - cross processed E6 shot
Anita is the saint who puts up with me :)

Born the eldest of three sixth generation Aussies in Perth West Australia to a pair of real weirdos, I made my way through my childhood by selling bottles and scrap metal. My grandparents were wonderful people who used to take me to the rubbish tip (dump) on weekends where we played for hours and collected lots of interesting stuff which I sold to local second hand dealers. I was expelled from two kindergatens before entering the school system proper, though this patern of expulsion saw me through a succession of schools over the years as my parents dragged me around the country where I was received poorly by local children for wearing the wrong clothes and was promptly beaten to a pulp. A social outcast, I was taunted and teased for actually enjoying school where I excelled at chemistry and biology. I failed everything else because the teachers hated me (and rightly so - I was a shit). Somehow I managed to make it to the university of Western Australia where I learned to play pinball and how to pay for my lunch each day by playing cards against people who couldn't count. At the same time I managed to squeek past the psych evaluation and get into the Navy where I played french horn and annoyed the senior officers. This childish life all came to an abrupt halt when I faced surgery to remove a tumour from my jaw - the resulting nerve damage stuffed my chances of continuing my professional music career (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) so I had to find something else to do for a crust.

I always liked playing outside so I sought out a job with a local plant nursery and began working as a landscaper, my botanical knowledge proving of value to someone for a change. This was a great time in my life as I got to play in the mud and no one bothered me as long as I didn't wash, then I met this really short girl who was actually going out with a friend of mine so I stole her from him and married her and we went into partnership together setting up a small landscape company (she liked mud too)

Lanscaping was all good fun but we got annoyed with having to do complex tax returns so we both started working for plant nurseries which was also great fun - you got burnt in summer, cold and wet in winter but the weekends were all ours! But there was also another down side to nurseries - bitey things.. spiders were annoying, wasps were pretty bad but the worst was snakes... so there I am pratting around avoiding work when some idiot starts shouting for help and me being the bigger idiot, I go and see what I can do. I get bit by a dugite, I fall down.. it looks pretty bad. So after a period in hospital I get out and I'm all weak and stuff, my memory is blasted, and the Short girl has to look after me for a few years until she's sure that I can leave the house AND find my way back again. Some number of years later I remembered my interest in photography and threw myself into learning more about taking pictures and in the process, shot a helluva lot of film and amassed a huge collection of photo gear

After hanging about the house looking pained I got bored and thought I'd try a kill or cure technique (trying to kick start this fuzzy brain) and I got a job working for an irrigation company as a sales manager and a reticulation system designer - weird really since I thought I was going for a position as a landscaper. Anyway, that worked well and I even got nominated for a national design award for my plans to make the whole Hollywood Hospital complex completely wet. All good things come to an end though, and my changes to the companies business made the owners so much money they sold the company and to this day still flit about the world on the profits. Good for them.. they are nice people :-)

While wandering the streets of Perth one day, penniless, clueless and wondering where I had left my wallet I stumbled into the Central TAFE building where I was immediately put to work as a part time storeperson and lecturer in photography. It was pretty good, the boss's secretary used to call me in the mornings to remind me what day it was and that I had lectures, and the students were great. Some of them paid attention and did well, others went to hell and burned for not paying attention, no wait.. that was a dream.. they ALL did well and we laughed a lot.

Another annex of the college joined our campus and the TRUE photo school moved into our building so I quit. A while later the new boss called me up and pleaded with me to return to work as people kept getting lost in the basement as I was the only person who'd ever successfully mapped the place (hah! and they told me playing D&D was an utter waste of time!) I became the dude who mopped the floors, calmed frustrated students and fixed things that other people broke. I also got to play music really load and swear a lot. Sometimes they paid me and I got to call myself the senior technician, but that too ended when, ah, never mind.. it ended. I was sad because I missed the students but then some nice people not far from the college gave me a job doing, er, stuff.. and I still got to smoke, swear and laugh for no apparent reason and people still came and talked to me.

After a pair of years there I was invited to work at the Bassendean Shire as a ranger, met some great people, played with some nice puppys, but truth be told I didn't find being a law enforcement officer was entirely to my liking so I moved on.

These days I'm doing some consulting work for those still in the world of photography, playing at home in the garden and scheming my plans to conquer the world.


I'd also like to TOTALLY thank my Canadian friend Greg Fraser who spent so much time building this site for me - thanks Greg, you're great :)