OK. Get a 7 kg free range turkey from your sister in laws farm. Brush it with oil, rub it with salt, pepper, rosemary and lemon zest ground together with a mortar and pestle. Get a large food tin, scrape off the label and any glue, half fill it with beer. In this case I selected the Grumpys partial mash speckled hen which has a hoppy/toffee flavour which should go with turkey. Shove the can up the turkeys bum and balance on a barbecue grill.

For a chicken, you should use an actual beer can (one of the taller ones) and you will need to use the drumsticks on the grill to hold it upright.

You need to make a webber/oven type thing to keep the heat in. For a chicken you can use a $5 terra cotta pot. This turkey was enormous, and the only thing that would fit over it was a 40 l beer keg with the top cut out (thanks Batz). The grill needs to be at least three bricks above the coals. You need a firewall to prevent smoke and soot from the main fire getting into the keg. Place a shovel of coals under the turkey about every 15 mins for the first hour. It may seem not much is happening. RESIST the urge to add more coals, it will burn on the outside.

After about an hour, the turkey will be hot enough for there to be a steady dripping as all the fat renders out of the bird, falls in the coals, and makes the tasty smoke which is helping to flavour the bird. At this point you only need a shovel of coals about every 20 to 30 mins as the burning fat is providing heat. The turkey is not drying out, as by now the beer in the tin is boiling and steaming the meat from the inside.

Have a look after 2 hours. I was a bit enthusiastic with the coals, the bottom of the turkey is cooking too quickly. Wrap foil around the base and put the keg back on.

The advantage of a beer keg is it has a convenient rim so you can add coals to the top to make sure the top of the turkey browns up. I had coals on top for about the last hour. (For a chicken under a terra cotta pot, you can get a nice even cooking by going easy on the coals below and cooking for about an hour and a half).

The final result after three and a half hours of cooking. A low fat turkey, moist and steamy on the inside, smoky, golden and crispy on the outside, and tasting slightly of beer!

There weren't any complaints at the dinner table.