A few days after its creation, a young journalist approached my desk and asked me about the origins of the Ramblings forum. After an intense stare she was smart enough to leave me to Oggy Mania, which I placed a new high score on (take THAT Michaela Lai!).
We found him playing Tetris in a backroom and said that we would give him a good reference if he could just go and find the origin of Ramblings. Later that afternoon he happily set off. 3 weeks have passed and the current odds of him returning are 87 to 1, that’s worse than the odds of finding new pencils in the supply room.
So we sent the second most expendable worker we had on offer, ‘One Eye’ Dave, the caterer, we felt his special forces training would come in handy. He went on his merry way and uncovered a rather mysterious and concerning phenomenon. It turns out that Ramblings was established on a rather cheap and cruddy piece of real-estate that Free picked up for next to nothing. Similar to the way the heel of your favourite socks wear thin from overuse, this hunk of ex-goatse webspace was a worn out spot in the fabric of space time! Thus it seems that threads just can’t hold onto the front page of the forum very well at all and start sinking/falling into the dark nether regions of the back pages of the forum.
This sadly also extends to members who spend too much time in this environment. They are unable to escape and rejoin normal society. Sucked down by the constant flow of threads they literally sink into the forum and become just one more entity forever lost for all time! This may sound rather biblical but that’s because it is! ‘One Eye’ Dave barely got out alive, it is the decision here at the AL Underground to launch a full on assault on Ramblings in hope of puncturing the time-space fabric and hurling it out into the vacuum of non-being. Thus creating peace and calm, or mayhem and complete doom… but we are cautiously optimistic.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few weeks (in which case a decent net connection would be hard to find) you’ve probably noticed that the server has been a little… iffy, to say the least.
And, oddly enough, there was some real evil to be found.
It seems that the server had been channelling an evil entity and was having a very hard time resisting this demonic presence. Madame Perspex could only maintain contact with this entity for a few minutes before it threatened to consume her soul but this was enough time to confirm her beliefs.
“This server”, she said somewhat dramatically, “is channelling an evil like no other! And that evil is…”
Tension filled the office as the accountant wrote out another cash check and handed it to Madame Perspex.
“Britney Spears!”
“Hell No!” came the response from the Underground employees.
But sadly she was telling the truth. The underground team pieced together the puzzle and found that it all made sense. Britney had grown tired of this apparent ‘good girl’ image that she had established and craved to be seen as a ‘bad girl’ of the pop scene. In a vain attempt to gain credibility, she delved in voodoo and attempted to telepathically convince radio stations she had talent. Somewhere along the line she crossed our AL Radio and became trapped in our server. Unable to escape she diverted the server’s full power to creating a new image for herself. Our poor server was unable to cope thus our crashes of late.
But what to do?
We here at the AL Underground felt it was our duty to do the best thing in the interest of humanity, thus we’ve loaded the server into the office catapult (yes we do have one – Dept Ed) and plan to fire it into the sun.
Tickets are still on sale but are going fast. Operation Spears Sizzle commences at sunrise this Saturday.
We here at the AL Underground have an in-house betting system. Past bets include the odds of Mewski becoming a mod, Gai getting re-banned and the new server crashing within a week. Well, Free has today made me $20 richer after the AL Radio was found to be in violation of web broadcast regulations within 24hrs of commencing operation.
The leaked document states that some messages were accidentally played forwards instead of backwards buy were mistaken for ‘just another bad DDR track’ by listeners. The ads contained numerous promotions for Free’s fan girl and phone sex lines. It also advised listeners to cancel there night out and spend it online, demanded that Free be worshiped and that offerings of soup be made. Other messages were detected including trace words like ‘Canada’, ‘doorstep’, ‘taxi’ and ‘marshmallow’ but could not be fully deciphered.
All offending material has been stripped from the schedule leaving DJ Whyte Noize on the 12am till 12am time slot each day until non-corrupt DJ’s can be found.
I don’t know about you… but I don’t think Free gets much sleep. Or sunlight come to think of it… or fresh air or interaction with real people or any relief from being continuously bombarded by gamma rays radiating from his monitor. Now you may be thinking “oh that’s just Free…” but a recent article in the Mythical Medics Journal suggests that this behaviour may be more widespread than the small cluttered student housing inhabited by Free.
Officially entitled “FreeSaiyan Syndrome” it is occurring globally with more and more cases being reported now that concerned parents and friends know the symptoms to look for.
The first sign is an inability to communicate with others by means other than an Instant Messenger program as well as bizarre sleeping habits or lack of any sleep at all. Other more subtle symptoms include broken F5 keys from hours of scanning for updates and a bizarre one way behaviour. For example, many PM’s, IM’s, e-mails, phone calls and direct blows to the head may be noticed and even read/heard/felt but no response is given in any way. More troubling symptoms may appear if the syndrome is not addressed, such as a constant need to be present in font of a computer ‘just in case something happens’. This may intensify into living routines being centred on the PC. Acts such as eating, drinking, resting, bathing may all be conducted within an arms reach of the keyboard.
If you notice such behaviour, it is vital that you act quickly. Your first step should be to lodge a large hammer firmly in the computer monitor. The subject will take some time to respond to the sudden blank screen and you can use this time to stuff the subject into a bag, the bag into a larger bag, this bag into your car and drive to your nearest medical facility. The doctors can take it from there…
Alternatively you can encourage them to join one of many 12 step programs sprouting up over the world which should slowly convert them back to a more mainstream addiction, like coffee or tobacco.
FreeSaiyan Syndrome is something we are going to have to deal with in our modern world. The best way to help prevent this becoming the next pandemic is education. Spend as much time online finding out about this illness and what makes the internet so damn appealing to those caught up in FreeSaiyan Syndrome.
Be Educated, Be Prepared, Be Warned!
Currently there are lots of people starving all over the world. When I say lots I mean like a million AL’s worth and then some. That’s a lot of hungry people. But a million AL’s would mean around 5 millions n00bs a day. So in theory if we made heaps of AL’s, like a billion or so, we could generate around 5 billion n00bs per day! That’s a lot of Spam you might say. But we all know Spam is inedible so effectively useless in this sense. No the real value here is all them n00bs.
You see a n00b is much like a lamb. It stumbles into this world disorientated and vulnerable, it needs love and affection and it also tastes great when marinated and roasted.
So my proposition to all of you is this. Next time you see a n00b, don’t glomp them or give them candy (sugar = tough meat) just kill them on sight and ship the frozen remains to the struggling African nation of your choice. Some excellent recommendations include Ethiopia and Zambia where the n00b supply is virtually non-existent since most of the people are not weird to electricity, cant read or simply lack the energy to type at a fast enough rate to keep up with the AL Chat.
The nutritious value of n00b flesh is well known among societies upper class. President Clinton was known to devour two entire n00bs before facing another big day of scandal. It was hinted that even Einstein ate n00b, which was exceedingly rare in those pre-net times. Today young babies are spoon fed n00b to boost their immune systems against viruses and bad grammar skills.
So what are you waiting for? Head out to the Welcome Forum and bag up a sweet little n00b and do your bit to benefit the lives of those starving in far off countries that you cant pronounce.
And don’t feel that they should have all the fun. Eat at least one n00b a week and you to will notice a real boost in your energy and metabolism.
Eat n00b. It’s n00b-tastic!
For you uneducated types (I know you’re out there!), a vortex is a phenomena centred around an extreme low pressure point, like a whirlpool or tornado, but that really isn’t the big issue is… what is, is the fact that a big shiny fluck of one is forming in AL and will consume everything and everyone unless stopped.
So where did this all start? Who is to blame for our inevitable doom? And will they be bought to justice before we are all crushed and torn apart by cosmic forces beyond our comprehension?
Lucky for you, The AL Underground has already set its top investigative journalist on the job. That’s right, those that covered the Borken invasion and uncovered Coding’s House of Pain have uncovered the horrible truth about AL’s demise.
They discovered a massive gravity well in an uncharted region of the Private Forums. A so-called “Graveyard” was created. Invisible to the mortal eye, we equipped ourselves with the revolutionary ‘Mod-View’ gear and it all came into horribly clear focus. It seems somehow over 267134 CL and CS posts had been thrown together in a very small space and that the sheer weight of spam had caused it to fall through the hypothetical real world flux layer (which until now was only a theory) and opened a tran dimensional rift at the centre of a vast gravity well!
‘Bugger me’ you may be saying now and rightly so. Since we have no way of repairing such a rift, it will remain open until it has consumed all of AL and everything around it. As it stands it is possible that the rift has been open for some time. If this is true it may be the key to understanding why AL members feel a slight tugging towards the screen and away from the rest of the world. Eventually it will be strong enough to pull you through the screen and into the realm beyond.
So what can you do? Well Mr/Mrs Average User you are doomed. Sorry, there aint no nice side to this story, except that we tracked down Coding who seemed to be the one who requested the graveyard and thus started the whole mess… His public stoning is scheduled for next Friday.
Come one! Come all!
Samarusan safely returned to AL on Monday the 15th of September with no recollection of the horrible events he had experienced and finally escaped from.
His real life proximity to Coding left this reporter with only one acceptable answer for this unexplained memory loss: Coding had abducted Samarusan and spirited him away to his secret house of pain! The entire ordeal obviously being so harsh that Samarusan buried the memories completely or worse… had them removed for him!
We went undercover.
Posing as door-to-door salesmen, specialising in needles, we approached Coding’s residence. It looked peaceful enough, with a white picket fence, floral curtains, tiled roof and soft country rhythms that could be heard from an open window. This was an obvious deception. It was clear that there was something very VERY wrong here. Anywhere this nice must harbour an insane mastermind. We were scared to enter, so took it on ourselves to demolish the house and relieve the tortured souls that must have lay within from their agony.
The charges were set; we moved to the other side of the street, hid in the gutter and blew the crap out of the house.
It was at this point, amongst the falling debris that we noticed the nightmarish tower that we had taken shelter in front of. The black stone structure arced into the sky where a giant neon sign displayed “Coding’s Bio Labs”
We rang the doorbell and ran.
A small pale male figure covered in a white-bloodstained surgeons gown opened the door and looked down at the package of needles we had left. One of which contained a hidden camera. He picked up the needles and retuned into his lair, whilst we returned to our surveillance van. After removing the burning rubble from the roof, we began to receive pictures from the cameras. As you can see… they were truly shocking.
The sheer fact that Samarusan managed to escape with no scars is amazing. We could all learn from his bravery. The AL Underground is currently lobbying the military to napalm Coding’s House of Pain but they seem reluctant. It is becoming clear that if we are to save more people like Samarusan then we must act alone and act soon.
The Kill Coding Foundation
As the dust settled from the impact of the woafnet-meteor, a new terror emerged.
A mysterious race of undead posters had infiltrated and taken over the dead corpses of slaughtered AL members. No forum was spared in the mayhem that followed. City Scape was worst hit, with the mod staff totally overwhelmed. It was decided to initiate the “Ragz Mk.2 Lockdown Procedure”, CS was locked, buried and rebuilt from the ground up. The Borkens even managed to infiltrate a single spy into the secretive Staff Forum.It seemed that the hordes would never be stopped…
Then the Administrators stepped in, a handful of them vs. over 4000 Borkens. The stage was set for the greatest showdown in AL history.
For what seemed like days but was merely about 6hours the Admins fought tooth and nail against the invaders. Slowly but surely, one by one, forums were declared safe and the general public could breath a sigh of relief.
A great feast was held as the surviving souls of the Borken invasion devoured the Borken remains that littered the graveyard, until there was nothing left but a clean and revived forum.
However it was rumoured that a single Borken managed to merge with a real-world user and create its own profile. So be wary fellow AL’ers, the war may be over but the Borkens threat may still walk amongst us…
And so, the clan qualification process is over, and six clans are now in the main tournament. Crazy League held it's breathe on this Easter morning as the results for the final challenge were announced by myself. Being the mischievous imp that I am, I refrained from telling Samarian, leader of Clan X, whether his clan has scrapped through or not. In fact I gave him the impression that after all the work they had put into creating a newbies' guide to AnimeLeague, they had failed this final challenge. When he finally read the topic, the audible sound of a 'Yippe!' from 5000 miles away could be heard. Clan X had just scrapped through, along with Empire who displaced the PeaceKeepers in the process.
So! Who had qualified?
Crimson Knights: Qualify automatically.
Predictions? Through an insightful mathematical process, which I call ‘guesswork’, I have several.
Which clans will do well in the main tournament? I predict four clans are in the running for this, Crimson Knights, NERV, Clan Wombat and Empire. These clans shall pick up points and all stand a good chance of making the final two for the finals. What of Clan X and Kingdom Hearts? To me, they seem to lack quality artists, graphics people and writers. True, they have a lot of members, but upon examination very few actually seem willing to help out. The other four to me are in a different league. Crimson Knights are awesome; they have the numbers and the quality, coupled with a real sense of loyalty and togetherness that their leader Jace inspires. It is interesting to note that while NERV effectively fractured into two, giving birth to Clan Wombat, Crimson Knights stay unified throughout. Then we have NERV, under the leadership of Asuka. I believe that the loss of ouseT, a KEY member will hurt their chances somewhat, but it is rather hard to count them out. Moving onto Clan Wombat, they are perhaps the smallest and most compact clan of the big four. However they all seem to be quality members, each willing to help out. I for one know that I'd rather have a dozen dedicated members, than 40 uninterested members. Finally, there's Empire, the clan of many leaders. They are the oldest clan, and should never be counted out. They have some of the best artists, and good writers. Overall, a good prospect, though perhaps the weakest of the big four.
This is not to say that Clan X and Kingdom Hearts may not surprise us. After all, who could have predicted the impact that Clan Wombat had on the qualifiers, or how NERV improved from a state of complete disorganisation last tournament to come within a spitting distance of beating the Knights? These two clans will be looking extremely forward to proving that they can mix it with the big boys.
It should be an interesting contest. I'm looking forward to it immensely. Tune in on April 27th for the start of this adventure that, over the course of a month, shall decide who can truly call themselves the greatest clan of AnimeLeague.
This Feature Submitted by Armisael
AnimeLeague Awards
People of AL...
Most Friendly: ShellyMoon
Most Respected, Most desirable Male, Biggest Flirt male, Most dedicated and Best member of staff: FreeSaiyan
Most Intelligent and Best Debater: Shad
Most Mature and Most Thoughtful: Msj
Most Immature and Biggest Post Whore: Coding
Most Charismatic, Funniest Member and Most Cheerful: Queen Washu
Most Cynical: Kamineko
Most Harsh: RagnorakZ
Most underrated member: Spyderman
Most desirable Female, Biggest Flirt female and Best GFXer: Rikku
Biggest Otaku: Zonis/Lupin
Best Newcomer: Miroku
Most Missed Member: Jakk/IC
Best Fiction Writer and Best Poet: Drusillia
Best Artist: Nemi
Best Role-player and Best Sparer: Tai
Best Clan Leader: Jace
AnimeLeague CL/CS Awards
The award for best couple turned out to be a near death experience for the winners Shellymoon and Miroku as there biggest competition tried to rip there heads off there shoulders to drink there blood when they found out they’d lost. Once Coding and VW had been restrained, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck handed over the award in a symbol of how well relationships can develop in a short amount of time.
Asuka Langley Sohryu won many times during the night, and every time she accepted an award she had to do so over the big screen because she refused to get out of her unit 02 and hence could not enter the building.
Freesaiyan, in a very appropriate way for the award he won stood at the podium and talked for an hour why he deserved to win the biggest ego award, blissfully unaware that the majority of the audience had fallen asleep except for a small group of dedicated Freesaiyan fan girls hanging off his every word.
As Ragnarokz approached the podium he was greeted by a cold silence. As he reached the microphone to accept his meanest and most serious awards threatened to lock all the threads in Cityscape if people didn’t clap. This was met by a standing ovation.
As the night wound down with only a few more minor incidents such as a cat fight over the tied votes for most angelic and Rikku trying to steal the cutest award, we were left with only one more award, the Most likely to start a war award. But when the award was announced Coding was nowhere to be found in the building to accept his award. The big screen flashed to life again and Coding’s face came on with as malicious a grin as this reporter has ever seen as he announced that in everyone’s absence he had taken over AL
Strange things happening in Ramblings
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
Later that evening during a StarCraft match with the Fruit Salad Tree, a thought occurred to me… ‘Just where did the Ramblings forum come from?’ It was decided there and then to send an expedition. It would be dangerous and there was a very high chance that they would not return, so the upper management decided there was only one option available… send the work experience boy.
Server channelling Britney Spears
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
Despite RanmaGuys best attempt the server still went into overdrive and smacked its metaphorical head into a brick wall. So the AL Underground sent in it’s resident psychic, Madame Perspex, to see if there was something else at work besides dodgy code.
Hidden messages found on AL Radio
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
A document leaked to the Underground from the Department of Good Taste, informed us that several subliminal advertisements were broadcast between, during and instead of songs. Analysts agree that the mixture of untranslatable J-pop and 8bit game tracks proved to be the perfect mask for the adverts.
FreeSaiyan Syndrome now recognised!
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
Solution to World Hunger is also the Breakfast of Champions
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
AL Vortex Discovered
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
Coding's House of Pain: Revealed!
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
Please send all donations of high power weaponry to:
P.O.Box 6874
Brisbane Qld
Australia 4001
Attack Of The Borkens!
Feature
Submitted by Tyrael
The Borkens…
Clan Competition
Feature
Submitted by FreeSaiyan
Clan Wombat: 6 Points (Wombat Combat! ^_^ - Ed)
NERV: 4 Points
Empire: 4 Points
Kingdom Hearts: 4 Points
Clan X: 2 Points
___________________
PeaceKeepers: 1 Point
It is interesting to note that only 6 clans out of a dozen actually managed to pick up points throughout the challenges. Clearly there is something of a gap opening up between the top half dozen clans and the rest. Another interesting factoid is that Crimson Knights, NERV, Empire and Clan X are all clans from the last season. Only two new clans, that of Kingdom Hearts and the impressive debutants, Clan Wombat, have broken through.
On Tuesday the 1st of April, at 11:06AM, the AL awards were posted. First off we only got to see the winners. One minute later, our lord and leader, FreeSaiyan, posted the list of people nominated.
Let us now dissect the Spring AL Awards for 2003...
Now that was not a surprise in my eyes. Never have I seen such a woman in hyperness. I mean, I have not had the personal pleasure of talking to this young lady, but from what I have read in her posts, she woman in a twenty-four hour, seven days a week mood of hyper-activity and friendliness. I congratulate her winning this award.
Well now, I really cannot say much about this. I guess the general population of AnimeLeague respect Free to a certain extent. Well, he is managing this board so I guess he does deserve the award. (Msj should of won Most Respected in my opinion). Also for ‘Most Desirable Male’, you cannot say much about that. Indeed he is a rather handsome man, if you do not believe me, then go right ahead and check the Picture Thread in AL. Then check the responses from the females in that thread and you’ll quickly learn why he won this. The other category I do not even have to talk about really. I mean the majority of people know what FreeSaiyan is like (Nothing against FreeSaiyan of course [you know he'll be judging this dont you ^_^. Ed]). As for the last two: “Most dedicated and Best member of staff”. This man does deserve them in a way. Although the unsung hero’s should also get an award for this, I am talking about the other Admins, Super Mods and Moderators that help the site out all the time. They all deserve an award for their commitment.
Well there are no words I can say to describe this Australian man. Always there with a response to any debate. Never have I seen this man post something without a shred of evidence to back himself up. If it were not for this man, the General Discussion would be a very barren place to visit. I applaud you, Shad.
The lady with a soft heart and a kind ear. I really don’t know how to describe this young lady. People have many a time gone to her with their problems and she has always been there to them. Although she may be young, her understanding and responses exceed that of a twenty five year old. I hold the upmost respect for this lady and would personally torture those who spoke against her in anyway. Congratulations Msj. You deserve those two awards.
The young male with a whole lot of time on his hands. Most Immature I really do not think I would proper for him. Yes, he can be a little childish but not that much that he deserves an award for it. As for the other award. Anyone that voted for me (Including myself) I congratulate you for voting for the right person [modest aren't we. Ed]. Between City Scape and Crazy League. Coding has made both those places his whoring of posts. Sometimes I wonder if Coding wouldn’t post for one day... Then I shake my head and think that hell would sooner freeze over then that take place.
The British babe has made AnimeLeague a place where I can sit back, click a little wav file and laugh my ass off until the room in the room look at me strangely or I fall off my seat in a fit of laughter. This lady is the lady of ladies. I would be jealous for any man that snaps he up for himself. I believe that if I ever saw Queen Washu in real life, it would be one of the funniest times I may ever have.
To me he has a great sense of humour. To others he may seem a little cynical. Well this is one of the awards he wanted and well... He got it. As I said before, Ren is a man that brings tears of laughter to my eyes but I guess at some point he does go a little too far. How far that is, I have no idea.
I think people actually misunderstand Ragz a lot. Sure he may sound like a person that would put others down. But he is simply doing his job. The job of a moderator, where you have to warn and tell people that spamming is something that you must not do. The only problem is that he is a mod for a place that lives on spam. I take my hat off to you, Ragz.
I believe that this member is so underrated that I have no idea who he is. I know he has been around AL for a long time. I guess that he hides in the shadows or maybe he isn’t appreciated enough as others. Maybe now with this award, he may find that people will respond to him and respect him like he should be?
The first two I can agree with one hundred percent. In countless threads where Rikku posts, you’ll soon find out that a group of males follows her trail. Usually trying to grab for her attention (Sorry boys). The young lady also brings the boys to her easily, as she knows how to tempt a male. I have seen her in action many a time and must say, “Damn!”
Although I believe that superjaded deserved this over just about anyone and everyone in AL, I congratulate these two. Both know their anime extremely well compared to the majority of posters in the anime forum.
As I am not that well in touch with the newcomers of AL, I do not really know this young man so much. But I have seen some of his posts and I must say he seems like a kind person. One that is happy (From his posts anyway) and there to help those in need.
What can I really say about these two? Jakk was the man that put some kick into AL. A little standoffish but once you actually got to know him, a great guy that you could talk to and just mess around with. IC was the music man. Anything with music he was there and helped out some people. I do not really know IC that well, but I do know that is Nirvana were still around. He would most likely try to be their biggest groupie.
This young lady would have been born with a pen and/or keyboard attached to her hands and the brains to create anything. Her poetry is just stunning. Something that I could never think of, even if I studied and tried the best I could for the majority of my life. As a writer she takes the air away from my lungs. Words cannot describe her writing. If people disagree, then have a look at her writing and poetry. They speak for themselves.
Nemi, or known as NemisisCat (Spelling?) when she first joined, has the best art. A variety of pictures, drawings and paintings that I think should sometimes fit into a gallery. Words cannot justify her art. It must be seen firsthand.
The lady of great skill. Many a time my sword or other various weapon has clashed against hers. The young lady has the skill and writing ability to just about become the best role-player to date. Now I know she will be trying to deny my claims and suggestions, but she cannot. The people of AL have spoken and they have said that you deserve both awards. As have I, many a time.
First time I arrived he was trying to take over AL. Now he is winning AL awards. But I cannot say anything bad about this man. For he has led The Crimson Knights to many a victory and has made them as strong as a leader could. His clan is one of the only ones that have survived for so long. I saw that this is due to the leader. A certain man that can empower people and join them together.
This Feature Submitted by Blah
In a show of extravagance, the Crazy league and Cityscape awards were held last night in the AL ballroom. With all the nominees in attendance, it was a grand affair, all decked out in there tuxedos and fancy gowns they waited in anticipation for the awards to be announced by the kidnapped celebrities brought in for the special night.
