Don’t you just hate it when your debate is interrupted by some drunken member posting about his or hers current level of intoxication. Doesn’t it anger you when (We’ll just call him Admin-F - Dept Ed) gets wasted, offer rewards for cleavage photos and does little but humiliate himself?
Don’t you wish there was something we could do about it?
Well now we can.
From the good people at Ty-Tech, who brought you the n00b shock collar, comes the AL Breathalyser system mod. It promises to keep drunks off AL and put them back on the streets where they belong. Members who have offended in the past will be sent a breathalyser unit and have the new Drunk button
To prevent members simply drinking after they’ve logged on, any member of staff may click on the
The Drunken Poster or DP control panel will have special protection so it may only be accessed by the myself, preventing any modifications by any high ranking staff members. (Not suggesting anyone – Dept Ed)
Installation of the AL Breathalyser has been held up until late September mainly due to a veto by FreeSaiyan in the staff forum.
Imperfection, that’s what.
You people with your flimsy animal cells. How you survive without a cell wall is beyond me. But luckily for you all, help is at hand from a group I call “The Last Hope for Humanity” (and the rest of us call “Occupants of the Green Hills Mental Facility: High Security Wing” – Dept Ed) for they have found a way to alter your inferior animal cells into glorious plant cells with relative ease.
A special fluid is absorbed into the bloodstream by simply spraying it onto exposed skin or drinking. The fluid kills of the nucleolus or ‘brain’ of every cell in your body, which then cry out for direction. Exposure to plant cells through simple touch at this point will allow each and every cell in your body to be given a plant nucleolus. Thus your body effectively believes it is a plant and starts behaving like one.
Although still in its early days, early trials have proved successful-ish and our amazing scientists are searching for more human volunteers.
Incidentally, all AL Underground are to report to the lobby this afternoon for an emergency flu vaccination.
Amazing! At a dollar a bottle, you won’t find anything else like it on the market! And now, for a limited time, you can buy one bottle of Ty Milk and get the next two at half off!
Call 1-800-ANIMELEAGUE now to order, or go to http://www.tymilk.fak. Do it. Now.
The Deputy Editor of the AL Underground, Tyrael, wishes to inform readers that the term 'milk' should be taken in a light hearted manner and if you are grosed out by the term/notion then you are a dirty dirty person. Thankyou.
Are you a mod, tired of annoying n00bs coming into your forum and spamming the hell out of it? Do you just hate it when a deep conversation about international law is interrupted by “OMGZ yr all gay!”? Do you wish something could be done? Well your wish has been answered!
A new button is featured on the control panel. Situated between the
A restriction of the voltage of the shock and the number/frequency of shocks is locked into the system and, in the interest of maintaining an active and living n00b influx can not be changed. Of course this does not apply to admins who may fry whom ever they deem worthy.
If the n00b survives their 2 month initiation, their corresponding
If the system proves successful it may be incorporated into the warning/banning system and issued to established members found causing trouble. The system also includes special presets, pulse rates and even the option of giving shocking ability of particular members to certain other members. Of particular interest are the Gai and Berrik settings that will allow each to shock the other whenever they feel it necessary.
New AL Breathalyser
Technology
Submitted by Lady Tyrael
added to their profile. Whenever the member logs onto AL, they must blow into the remote unit at their PC and pass the minimum .06 reading before being allowed to post.
button and the accused drunk must pass the breathalyser before being allowed to continue.
Chlorophyll: Way of the Future!
Technology
Submitted by Fruit Salad Tree
I look out on the office each day from my shelf and what do I see?
The newest and bestest nutrition supplement: TY MILK!
Technology
Submitted by Hikaru
That’s right folks! Forget Atkins and low carb diets (or are they the same…?)! Ty Milk is here! Packed with 120% estrogen and 10% of anything else, Ty Milk may not help you lose weight, nor will it replace daily food, but it’s guaranteed to make you more womanly with just one cup!
n00b Shock Collars
Technology
Submitted by Tyrael
A new line of collars have hit the market today and will change the way we mod AL forever! As shown by our research assistant Sara, the collars are small and barely visible. Upon registration, a n00b is sent one of these collars that, when worn, enables the user access to AL. Built into the collar is an ex-military stun gun that utilises modern day electroshock methods to render terrorists incapacitated in hostage situations. The collar is connected to AL where signals can be sent to and from the Mod Control Panel.
and 
key, the 
key will allow any mod to trigger off a n00bs electroshock collar if they spam, flame or generally misbehave.
key is removed from the Mod control panel so they are free to wander AL as an equal. Of course once more, admins are the exception to the rule.
